OH NO! DACHSIE CANNIBALISM!
OH. MY. GOODNESS. I am such a terrible dachshund. I can’t even begin to tell you the horror that I feel about myself right now, and it’s all because of my insatiable appetite for people food. Let me start at the beginning.
This morning started at about 7 a.m. with me howling and yelping to go out to poop. Mom came into the living room to get me all suited up to go out, and we really had a great time. Little did I know, the morning was about to turn into a calamitous one. I pooped (quite a nice one, let me add), and we headed inside. Mom said that she was going to cook breakfast for Daddy, and into the kitchen she went. The most beautiful smells soon were floating down to me in my usual perch at the entrance to the kitchen. Just as always, I got SO excited and begged and begged mom for a peice of the delightful delicacy (she always makes GREAT stuff, if I do say so myself)!
Finally the time came…she and Dad sat at the table and put the people food onto their plates. That is when I always get lucky! Mom lowered her hand down to me with the most delectable looking chunk of red meat. It brings me such guilty pleasure to say that it was SO GOOD!! Everything was fine until she said…::gasp::…”Some Sausage for the Sausage!” and she laughed! I don’t think it’s funny, I really ate one of my own kind! And Mom and Dad were eating it too…how could they? Somebody please tell me that it was all a horrible misunderstanding…what is even worse is to think about the poor dachsies that ended up on their plate and in MY TUMMY! I can’t even begin to describe the horror I felt when she told me that I had just eaten one of my own.
I don’t know what to do! Will I die? Will the ghost of that poor sausage dog come to haunt me? Somebody please tell me what’s going on here!
-Oscar Mayer
December 30, 2005 @ 7:02 pm
Oscar they are just kidding you. Of course you did not really eat a dachshund! Everything will be OK…You are not going to be haunted!
Your friends in Florda….Kurt, Kate, Kristof and Kira…the DoxiePets and their pet human, Chuck.
December 30, 2005 @ 7:46 pm
I wouldn’t sweat it. She was just teasing. . . I think it’s sortof like a “double entendre,” whatever that is. You’re not really a sausage dog, people just call us that because sometimes we look like sausages. . Hmmm. I think this is one for “Ask Annabel. . ”
December 30, 2005 @ 8:12 pm
Oscar you definitely did not eat a dachsie. A sausage is made up of all kinds of meat I think but not dachsie meat. I am sure of that one. so don’t worry it was ok to enjoy your delicacy. Mommy was a bad mommy for teasing you like that. I could imagine how you must have felt thinking you might have eaten one of us. I bet you were thinking god this could have been Lola my sweet. So no fretting. We are all safe. None of us are sausages like the kind you eat. So there mom. Now you must make this up to Oscar. I think he deserves special treats and maybe a new toy. Oscar sound good to you?
Your friend Zoe
December 30, 2005 @ 9:21 pm
Listen Oscar, it really wasn’t doxie meat! Don’t worry about it a bit - we eat hotdogs all the time and don’t feel weird about it. We run too fast to let anyone catch us and grind us up for food!
Also, maybe it’s time for mommy and daddy to let you know that you were named for a hotdog!
We love you NO MATTER WHAT!
December 30, 2005 @ 10:10 pm
I am sure your mommy thought this little joke on you was fvery funny. Do not worry sweet Oscar, We promise you did not eat a dachshund nor did your mommy and daddy. We would of been upset also if our mommy said that to us, but now we know it was a joke. Thank Goodness.
December 30, 2005 @ 10:20 pm
Thanks to everyone, I’m all good now! My mommy said she was sorry and that she wouldn’t ever tease me like that again. Phew, I sure am glad that it was just a joke! Now that I know that, I’m not upset at all and I even think it’s funny a little myself
! Don’t worry guys, Mom bought me some snausages and a new fuzzy sqeak bone to make up for it. She really is a good mommy 
December 30, 2005 @ 11:57 pm
if she buys you treats and toys maybe you should let her tell you some more jokes. or at least every time she talks act upset. maybe that will work.
December 31, 2005 @ 12:22 am
Humans can be unthinkingly cruel…. as everybody else has said, sausages are definitely not made of dachsies. However…. if you play the worried and emotionally hurt little chap….. then you could milk it for all you can get!
December 31, 2005 @ 8:39 am
December 31, 2005 @ 6:39 pm
It’s OK little guy. Mom was just teasing. Humans find that kind of sick thing funny. If you really were a cannibal Mom would have named you after Hanibal Lector instead of a hot dog so just relax.
Daphne, Norman, Lucy and Baby Abby
December 31, 2005 @ 7:04 pm
Oscar….you know your mommy and daddy could never eat a doxie!!!! They are just being silly. Even though you got quite a scare it sounds like you had a mighty fine breakfast!