These Wiener Dogs Will Bite Your Ankles Off

CENTRAL THAILAND– In this Asian nation known for its temples and rich cultural heritage, there is one tradition that many Westerners find repulsive: the dachshund fight.

Illegal dachshund fights like this one are common throughout Southeast Asia.

Dachshund fighting is officially illegal, yet it’s still popular among the villagers of rural Thailand. An extensive underground network keeps the tradition alive, despite the efforts of government and animal-rights activists. The number of dachshund-fighting arenas has increased significantly over the past few years.

Although dachshunds appear to be too gentle to do any damage to one another, don’t be fooled–there’s nothing more vicious than a wiener dog who hasn’t had his puppy chow! He’ll lick you silly if you let him.

Dachshund fights usually only last a matter of seconds. There’s a few moments of intense frolicking, and then it’s all over. Owners will often pull their dogs away from each other before they start running around in circles together, but sometimes special fights are arranged where the dogs will play until out of breath, or until one has lost bladder control from the excitement.

Owners are proud of their prize animals and will spend many hours raising them to be low, mean, power-wagging machines.

“The key advantage these animals have is that they’re low to the ground,” said Phun Luk Guy (not his real name), a dachshund trainer. “As any wrestler will tell you, it’s a low center of gravity that gives you the edge. Puppies are started on training early by a careful measurement of giving out their kibble. Without the right flow of food they are on to their owners like a baby on a nipple.”

Wendy Tallon is the chair of the International World Federation Of Concerned Citizens Who Are Against The Exploitation Of dachshunds Especially In Foreign Countries (IWFOCCWAATEODEIFC). She wants countries to apply international pressure to stop the dachshund fights.

“Despite their charm and soft puppy eyes, let me tell you, you do not want to enter their kennels with bare ankles,” she said. “You’ll have a wet nose pressed up against it before you know what’s happened. Can you imagine? We must stop this cuteness before it ruins more animals’ lives.”

The dachshund fight is believed to have been a Thai innovation, after German settlers abandoned a colony in 1895, leaving their dogs behind. Tradition has it the local inhabitants found the dogs, which had been reduced to a state of savagery, licking rivals into submission.

A mythology has sprung up around legendary dachshund fighters, like Uberhund, a dog from the 1960s. Uberhund is portrayed as a nasty brute with a nose shaped like a beak and a feathery tail like a rooster. His two paws look almost like chicken claws and in folk paintings he is shown pecking another dog into sausage.

Wendy Tallon finds the cultural aspects of the fight “tasteless, and without merit.”

“These cute little weiner dogs are being exploited,” said Wendy Tallon. “They’re being mistreated, sometimes going hours between meals, and many times without any snacks.”

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