HOW TO GIVE A DOXIE A PILL…. By Buddy

1. Pick up Doxie and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of Dogs mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As DOG opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow dog to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and Doxie from behind sofa. Cradle doxie in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve doxie from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle doxie in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and doxie from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with doxie wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by doxie. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub doxie’s throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve doxie from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap doxie in large towel and get spouse to lie on doxie with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve doxie from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place doxie in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the doxie from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid doxie. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little sweethart’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

15. Arrange for ASPCA to collect mutant doxie from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

14 Then by that time you have learned one thing if we doxie’s don’t want a pill just give up….

Hope you all like this story I retypoed it for the H.D.B. readers BUDDYTHEDOXIE
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Between you and I the best way is:

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air.

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